


Agent Three's Adventures in Swooning Octoling Women

by nastymajesty



Category: Splatoon
Genre: F/F, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-20
Updated: 2019-10-20
Packaged: 2020-12-24 15:00:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21101384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nastymajesty/pseuds/nastymajesty
Summary: When Three's mother gives her a lure, insisting she needed a boyfriend, she shows her friends for laughs. In turn, they give her one for lesbians instead - and she ends up wearing it to a lot of her agent missions. She never thought much of it. After all, why would an octarian care if she wore something that said she was single? Their cultures would never intertwine, and they were just soldiers in the end.That is, until she actually manages to sweep an octoling girl off her feet on a mission one day.





	1. Lures

“Mom, oh my god.”

“Oh, come now, sweetheart. You need a boyfriend! This will definitely let the boys know you’re available!”

Three groaned into her phone, placing the fishing lure on the table. “I don’t even think people use these anymore, mom.”

“Of course they do. How do you think I met your father? He saw my lure and took his chance. Come on honey, at least give it a shot! You need a boyfriend.”

“I’m not interested in…” Three’s voice trailed off, giving up on the conversation. “Alright, I guess.”

_There is no way I’m actually wearing this. _

“Thank you, squishy pie! I promise you won’t regret it.”

“You’re, uh, welcome mom. Talk to you later, okay?”

“Mhm. Love you!”

“Love you too. Bye.”

With a click, Three hung up her phone and tossed it to her side on the couch. The inkling wouldn't be caught dead wearing that in public. Not only was it embarrassing, it was just… Untrue.

It wasn’t that Three wasn’t interested in a relationship, far from it. She desired someone to be her companion, but she simply didn’t have the time or energy - and she would rather not go out of her way to look for someone. If someone was interested, she’d rather let things flow naturally.

And there was also the fact that she was a raging lesbian.

✦✧✦✧

Bursts of laughter erupted in an empty garage, echoing off the walls as Three slowly sunk into her chair. _ This is embarrassing. _

“I can’t believe she actually got you this,” One of Three’s friends - a tall, lanky seahorse boy named Hvitur - giggled as he examined the lure in his claws. “It’s pretty ugly lookin’, too.”

“Who even started this old trend?” Three said, sitting back up and slouching over her chair.

“I think it dates back to the Great Turf War,” a new voice chimed in, coming from a short sea slug - Scallop - this time. “It’s a really old-timey tradition, I think it’s only used in bars now.”

“Does your mom even know?” Hvitur questioned, putting the lure back on the table. “Is she… You know?”

“No no no,” Three shook her head. “Uh… Neither of those things, I guess. I just never bothered to come out to her.”

Which was true, to a degree. Three’s mother was in no way homophobic, but still, she was straight and blissfully unaware of her daughter’s strict attraction to women. Coming out was never something of a big deal to Three - her mother would likely support her to an embarrassing, motherly extent, but she figured she’d just let her find out on her own one day, when she met her future girlfriend. 

“Maybe…I think my girlfriend has some custom lures for lesbians you can use instead.” Scallop said, eyes brimming with mischief.

“Oohh no no no. I can’t do that. Oh my cod, Hvitur, stop making that face.”

“Aw, c’mon, Three. I bet you’ll have ladies crawling at your doorstep if you do!” 

“You’re starting to sound like my mom,” Three groaned. “But no.”

“Awh, why not?” Scallop picked up the lure and waved it around. “It wouldn’t be any different than wearing one of your pins. And if your mom asks, you can say you’re wearing hers.”

Three pondered the idea for a moment, resting her chin on her hand. Perhaps it wouldn’t hurt to wear it for a few days, maybe to a few turf wars or so. It was unlikely anyone would approach her, since they were so rarely used by the younger generation anyways. Sure, people like Scallop’s girlfriend made custom ones for others to wear, but they were still a very uncommon accessory; at least compared to pins and jewelry.

_Maybe I can just wear it on missions to make everyone happy, _ Three thought. _ No one would know, anyways. It’s not like Octarians would know what it means, let alone care about their enemy being single. _

“Fine, I’ll wear the darn lure. But only if you give me the lesbian one, Scallop.”

_I wouldn’t be caught dead wearing one to attract dudes in the first place. _

✦✧✦✧

So Three attached it to her agent jacket, and wore the lure to every mission.

She had to admit that she actually became fond of it after some time, hence why she never took it off. It was a simple little fish (she was unsure what kind it was supposed to be) with orange to pink scales, matching the lesbian flag. It sparkled in the sunlight and was actually very pretty and well made — she definitely made sure the compliment was passed down to Scallop’s girlfriend for that. The glitter on it was hardly a distraction, as it wasn’t any flashier than her already bright suit anyways.

It’s use wasn’t just exclusive to missions, though. She occasionally wore it to public outings, namely the ones where Scallop and Hvitur were around, just to be polite. As she had suspected, no one seemed to approach and hit on her, considering it was such an old and nearly dead tradition. Or at least, no one approached her because it was a lure; one or two people complimented it’s colours, but that was mostly it. A part of her was just a little disappointed, though, if she were to be honest. It was nothing devastating.

Three formed her squid shape and plopped through a grate, ready to do another round of agent work. Today’s task was nothing complicated, just to check the domes for any suspicious activity and leave. It wouldn’t take her more than an hour, really. She’d go in, and she’d come out.

_ Maybe a cute octoling girl will swoon over me, _Three thought to herself sarcastically, holding back a giggle. It was a dumb idea: octolings in the domes had a job to do, and they were always determined to get it done.

Three came out the other side with a silent pop. She stretched her arms and jumped on her toes, excited for potential action and some exercise. _ Time to get to work. _

✦✧✦✧

Agent Three was on patrol. The worst day to be on patrol, really, because Minnow was on a mission and she really, really didn’t want to get beat up today. It was too nice out, she was in a good mood — and her mission was to put a mini zapfish in place to power the dome, and leave someone else to guard it. She thought today would be lucky, so she only brought one other teammate with her. Nothing ever goes wrong with Minnow. Her luck is always _ perfect _.

But today was not that day. And now it was ruined, because she was hiding behind a box with a mini zapfish and her only teammate was still at the spawnpad hiding in her ink (she insisted she would be quick and her teammate could wait there). Now she was stuck. And Agent Three was very close.

Minnow held the zapfish close to her chest, careful to not hurt it, praying that the inkling wouldn’t notice her. Inklings don’t like to break random boxes, do they? She sure hoped not. This was possibly her first encounter with the Agent, and she wanted to keep it as her last.

She closed her eyes and gave the zapfish another squeeze, huddling it close, making it squeak. Minnow held her breath as she heard the Agent’s footsteps come to a stop, and then a shout in inkling that she could only guess was “Who’s there?”.

She was certainly screwed now.

The box behind her shattered as the inkling shot it (_ so they do like to break boxes… _ ) and she scrambled forward for another form of coverage - only to realize she was essentially cornered. This wasn’t supposed to happen. Her days _ always _went well. The octoling curled herself up in a fetal position around the zapfish, silently hoping that maybe if she was small enough the inkling would maybe take pity on her and ignore her.

Fortunately for her, it kind of worked. Minnow lifted her head up slowly to see the Agent looking at her with a lowered gun and a sympathetic expression, as if she just saw a small animal pleading for food. Minnow let herself relax a bit, craning her head up to get a better look but still keeping the zapfish firmly locked in her arms. Agent Three reached her free hand towards her and Minnow blinked. Was she offering to help her up? The octoling looked up and down, examining Three for signs of hostility, but her weapon was now clipped to her belt and Three was looking…. very nice, actually.

Was that a lure on her belt, too?

_ Agent Three is single? _

For a moment she felt her chest flutter and swell with warmth as she locked eyes with the inkling. She never noticed how pretty Agent Three actually was if she were to be honest. Her eyes were a soft green, and her long tentacles were a teal to match with flecks of white covering them like a miniature galaxy. Agent Three was _ dreamy _...

The inkling cleared her throat, snapping Minnow out of her dazed state. Nodding, she leaned forward and grabbed the agent’s hand, who in turn lifted her to her knees - and in a matter of seconds she felt Three let go and snatch the mini zapfish from her opposite claws.

“Hey!” Minnow squeaked, frantically reaching for her gun, “That’s mine!”

Three chuckled and was off before Minnow managed to pull her octoshot off her belt, still in a state of utter shock. The inkling didn’t even ink a path for herself until she was near her own launch pad. She then used a trail to reach the final stretch before Minnow’s teammate realized what had just happened.

Her ink tanked beeped, signalling that her teammate was jumping to her, and she sidestepped to give her room. Minnow gripped her weapon tightly, letting her gaze rest on the ground in front of her. 

_ How could I get that distracted? _ She thought to herself. _ No other octoling would get tricked that easily, why am _ I _ an exception? I bet that agent has some kind of trick up her sleeve. Some kind of device that makes her… Very, very charming. _

“You’ll be ‘just a hot second’, huh?” Her partner grumbled, landing beside her with a thump. “What _ was _ that? I couldn’t see what was going on. Are you hurt?”

_ Oh, thank cod. I’d be dead if she saw me shrivel up like that. _

“No, I’m okay,” Minnow said, avoiding any eye contact. “Just shaken. That scared me…”

She could feel her teammate rolling her eyes. “Alright. Let’s go report this, then.”

Minnow’s teammate led the way towards the launch pad linked to their own tanks, deciding that now was a good time to give her the silent treatment for messing up such a simple mission. It gave Minnow plenty of time to think, although she would much rather not think of Agent Three’s utterly cute face right now.

_ I bet it was the lure. _

✦✧✦✧

Three patted the mini zapfish with a smile, placing it down on a small stool outside Cuttlefish Cabin. “You’re safe now, lil dude. That was pretty sick of me, eh?”

The zapfish gave her a beady stare. _ Alllllright, it's a rude zapfish, I get it. I see how it is. _

The inkling made her way into the messy cabin and quickly found her heroshot case, putting it inside delicately and tucking the box under her arm. Although she didn't expect to run into any octolings, her mission ended up being an eventful one, which made it a success in her book.

Though she couldn't help but wonder how it worked in the first place. Any other octoling would have clawed her eyes out or put up some kind of fight. She wasn't expecting her silly plan to work; it was dangerous, holding her hand out to the enemy like that, especially when there could have been backup at any second. Most octarians don't curl up in a corner cowering in fear at her, and then taking her hand when she took pity on them. She was expecting the octoling to hiss at her, swipe her hand away and bolt, or summon some kind of army to swarm her.

But she had to admit the face the octoling made was also really cute. She certainly had never seen one make that face at her, let alone stare at her for that long. Three might not have been able to see much of the girl's expression, but she would be a blowfish head to not have noticed the little blush that spread across the girl's face when she gave Three a once-over.

Three felt her cheeks grow warm. This was silly. Octolings weren't cute. They were zombie killers or something. It's not like she noticed the girl's tentacles wiggle or her face change when she thought Three wasn't a threat and found that absolutely adorable, or that the enemy had freckles on her shoulders and cheeks like flecks of stardust, or that her tentacles had a hint of purple in them unlike most octolings she's seen, or…

The mini zapfish sneezed.

Three wondered if she'd see that specific octoling again.


	2. Caught

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I have no patience.

"Threee-heeee," Scallop giggled. "What's on your mind, dude?" 

Three, Hvitur and Scallop were all in her garage again, practicing for their band a few minutes prior. They decided to stop because the inkling just wasn't on top of things today, consistently making mistakes she normally wouldn't and fumbling with her drumsticks more frequently.

"Nothin' important," She said, resting her cheek on one hand while she twirled her sticks in the other. "Just… thinkin."

"Is it a girl?" Hvitur added, not sounding surprised and not even bothering to look up from his phone when a stutter of different inkling-sounds came from Three's mouth all at once.

"No, no no no. No girls. Not girls. Absolutely no girls," Three muttered. "I'm straight."

Hvitur and Scallop erupted with laughter, knowing full well that Three just short circuited and it was definitely a girl she was thinking about.

"Who is she?" Hvitur sat up, crossing his legs and leaning forward. "Do we know her?"

"Did you..." Scallop was trying to contain his laughter. "Get a catch?"

"I am going to personally destroy your legs by tomorrow morning."

"You're avoiding the question." Hvitur was staring now, wide eyed and ready to hear whatever dumb gushy story Three was going to spout.

"I don't even know her name," Three said, trying to hide her flushed face. "She just… had this look on her face. And she was kinda cute. That's it."

"Aww, you should talk to her, then." Scallop cooed. "I bet she's into you. And you can at least be  _ friends _ ."

_ Yep. Friends. Totally. Absolutely. A friendship with someone I should be fighting. _

"Maybe."

"C'mon, Three. You can't get a girlfriend with that attitude." Hvitur scooted his chair closer to pat the inkling's head. "What's she look like? How'd you meet her?"

"She's cute. Red tentacles, uh… cute… glasses," Three was trying to come up with some kind of explanation while not sounding like an idiot now. She had managed to keep her agent duties a close secret, and she wasn't going to let something as silly as this ruin it. "We met in… turf. She got distracted when I cornered her. That's all."

"And you didn't talk to her after? Dude..." Hvitur clicked his tongue. "What a bummer."

"She left really quick, that's all." Three lied.

"She left really quick, or you ran away because you're a useless lesbian?"

"Shut up, Scallop." He wasn't totally wrong, but he wasn't right either.

"We're just trying to help!" The sea slug protested. "We're being supportive!"

The inkling let herself slowly turn into a squid and flopped off the chair. "Okay."

"Well now you're just being a big baby." Hvitur leaned over her. "C'mon, baby pants."

"Shut up."

Her seahorse friend scooped her up in his arms. "Shh, little lesbian. Let's go get you some ice cream and talk more about it there."

"Hvitur, I swear..." She wriggled in his arms, but didn't bother changing forms.

"We can just get ice cream then. We need to discuss band stuff anyways." Scallop laughed, trailing outside as Hvitur opened the garage door.

"Fiiinee. But shut up. Shut up..." Three grumbled, crossing her larger tentacles.

"Yeah yeah, you big squaby." Hvitur shifted her in his arms and patted her head.

"Don't call me that."

✦✧✦✧

"Minnow. It was a simple mission. A simple. Mission."

Minnow was trying her best to keep a completely blank face in front of her commander during her scolding, but it was proving to be incredibly difficult when it wasn't her fault that things went wrong.  _ Agent Three just sucks! And has a stupid face! She ruined her perfect day, the commander should feel bad for  _ me!

"I know..." The young octoling whined. "I'm sorry, ma'am. It won't happen again."

The commander sighed. "At least make sure your teammate is right next to you, then. From here on forth any mission you go on will be with a whole squad or more. It was my fault for letting you go with one other person in the first place."

Minnow held back a giggle.  _ Yeah, it  _ was  _ her fault! _

"Yes, ma'am." She nodded, turning to make a hasty retreat before her commander could chew her out more.

"And one more thing, Minnow." She flinched. "Don't let that agent distract you again."

Minnow laughed, trying to hide her nervousness and forcing her tentacles to stay stiff instead of curling inwards. "Y-yes, ma'am."

She finally managed to escape her higher up and bolted for her room, not caring much about looking suspicious anymore. As long as she didn't run into anyone, Minnow doubted anyone would care much for her behaviour.

The octoling crawled up to her top bunk and into her hard bed, hoping that she wouldn't be needed for at least an hour. She shared a room with three other octolings, making two bunk beds in the small room, but she didn't mind for the most part. They were off doing their own things today, leaving Minnow to her own devices for now.

Her portion of the room - which was just around her bed, but leaked a little bit to the bottom bunk - was the most colourful. She liked to collect whatever shiny things she could on missions, and save trinkets from the rare times she could go to the city in some of the other domes. Her teammates were also kind enough to give her flowers from their missions outside of the domes if she asked, and eventually they all got into the habit of collecting them for her. She tried to pin everything to the wall with thumbtacks she ‘borrowed’ from her commander’s office.

She lifted her pillow and pulled out a small journal she had been keeping since she was a small child. On the first page inside was a white, feathery lure. Minnow gently pulled it out and let the journal rest at her side, examining it for the first time in a long while. Her caretaker had given it to her as a gift before she joined the military and she’s kept it with her since as a good luck charm. She didn’t know what it meant until about a year later, where she then had it on her at almost all times and hoped that maybe one of the girls she crushed on would approach her. It never worked, but she liked to pretend someone noticed it. For a few years it brought her good luck. She only ever stopped wearing it after she got the courage to approach a girl and got rejected, running back to her bunker’s room in tears and spending the rest of the night plucking the petals from her flowers.

She eventually got over it, at least. But wearing the lure left a sad taste in her mouth after that.

_ Do inklings have the same tradition?  _ Minnow wondered.  _ Do they even think of love? They’re supposed to be scary war machines, but… that lure looked too much like mine.  _

Maybe it wouldn’t hurt to start wearing it again. Agent Three wouldn’t notice, and her bunker mates would probably just roll their eyes and ignore her like they usually do. It shouldn’t hurt…

✦✧✦✧

Three managed to keep her mind off the octoling girl for the next few days. It was easy. All she had to do was avoid her agent work. If she wasn’t being an agent, she didn’t have to think about agent things. Which she could get away with, since she didn’t exactly have anything to do besides some patrols. Unfortunately, she got a text this morning saying that there was some activities in the domes. Great...  _ Work. _

_ The chances of seeing her again are slim. _ Three thought.  _ I don’t think I’ve ever seen the same octo twice.  _

She shrugged her jacket on haphazardly and double checked her phone to see what dome she should be going to. Cool - Dome 2-7. Hopefully things will be quick and easy with less of an emotional toll.

Three made a jump for the dome, stumbling clumsily when she landed. She double checked her phone one more time (maybe she didn’t have a mission after all…), then took a deep breath and dove in.

The dome was quiet, she noticed. Normally the domes had music playing on the speakers - soft enough that usually Three would tune it out or it’d be covered by the sound of whoever spoke to her on the other end of her headset. Today it was dead quiet. No animals could get into the domes, either, so there wasn’t any ambience to fill the gaps.

This wasn’t the first time a dome has been like this, though. Three gently moved her headset to her shoulders and wiggled her ears, trying to strain them for whatever noise could show up. Not even the sound of a zapfish in the distance.  _ The power must be dying out. _

The agent opted not to lay any of her ink on the ground. If there was an ambush waiting for her, they’d hear her gun and see her ink in a matter of seconds. She had to tread carefully. Three took a few steps forward, stopped and listened, and then continued on - practically tiptoeing around the dome for any signs of trouble.

Weird. She couldn’t find anything.

She stilled for a moment.  _ This was too fishy. _

Then she heard a click - three times, like someone tried to shoot with an empty gun. Three froze, slowly turning in the direction she heard the noise. A squeak.

When she was about a foot away, however, she heard shuffling, followed by a light red tentacle.

Ah.

The octoling peeked out from behind the box and, upon seeing Three standing there, hid right back behind it as if Three hadn't just seen her do that. The inkling sighed.

"Heeeeelllo?" Three walked right up to the box now, leaning over it. It was definitely the same octoling as last time, but this time she wasn't holding a zapfish. What the hell was she doing here, then?

The octoling slowly looked up, and then stared. With her beady, goggle-y eyes. And a slightly agape mouth. Which, Three had to admit, was kinda cute. 

Three lifted her hand and waved.

The octoling squealed, turned around, and backed up.

Well, that's one way to say hi.

“Woah, woah, chill out,” Three said in the calmest tone she could muster. “I won’t hurt you.”

The octoling seemed to calm down almost instantly after that. Huh. Almost like she understood me. Three made a gesture with her hands to show that she wasn't going to attack - if anything, she'd really just rather avoid that right now. The octoling made a similar gesture back, while also pointing out that she didn't have an ink tank anyways.

Well that's just… dumb. And dangerous. You can't respawn without an ink tank connected to a spawn pad.

The octoling said something Three couldn't decipher, slowly reaching her hand up and pointed.

The agent looked around, trying to figure out what she was pointing at. The octoling giggled, puzzling her even more. Was she tricking her? Did she have something on her face? She looked back and shrugged, hoping that would make it clear that she really didn't know what the other was going on about.

The octoling stood up straight and made her way towards Three, all traces of fear seemingly gone (though, to be fair, Three couldn't tell with those goggles on her face).

Three noticed that the octoling had a lure on, similar to the one she was wearing too, but a bit worse for wear and a pale white. Octolings....wore lures?

When she was close enough, she took off her own lure and held it up, wiggling it a little in Three's face.

What.

The octoling giggled again. She pointed at Three's lure.

_ What. _

Three opened her mouth to say something, but nothing really came out. She closed it and reached for her own, lifting it up to the other girl's. She felt her face heat up, and she was really, really confused right now.

She heard the octoling hum, then she placed her lure in Three's hand. Three, who's brain was now completely out of service, blinked and let her. The girl then took her goggles off, hooked them to her belt and took her lure back - letting her own hand briefly brush against the agent's.

They made eye contact and Three felt like she was going to  _ die _ .

She had the prettiest brown eyes she had probably ever seen. They were like chocolate, one of Three’s favourite things, and she felt like she could stare at them all day.

The octoling was the first to break the silence, but Three didn’t hear what she said. 

“My name,” The octoling said in the little inklish she seemed to know. “Minnow.” 

_ Oh. That‘s a really, really cute name. _

“Three?” The agent pointed at herself with a toothy smile.

This, for some reason, made Minnow lose it. What was she laughing about? Three was her  _ name _ .

“Makes sense,” she finally managed to say between giggles. “You are Three!” 

“I’m… Three…” She chuckled. Minnow’s laugh was contagious. She put her lure back on her belt.

“Let us meet here,” Minnow beamed. “Tomorrow!” 

That sounded illegal, at least by octarian standards, but this octoling didn’t seem to care at all. “Tomorrow?” 

“Yes!” 

“Uh…” Three’s brain said hell no, this is a trap, this octoling is being cute on purpose and totally evil, but her gut said yes yes yes yes yes. “Okay.” 

Three noticed a blush form on Minnow’s cheeks and tried not to stare. “Thank you!” 

“You’re… welcome?” Three let herself smile back.

Minnow leaned forward and gave the agent’s nose a delicate peck. “I will see you!”

If it weren’t for the fact that Minnow had just kissed Three’s nose, she would have laughed. But Minnow had just kissed Three’s nose. And Three was in even more gay shock than before.

_ Pretty girl pretty girl pretty girl pretty girl pretty g- _

Minnow said goodbye and turned into her octopus form, jumping off somewhere Three couldn’t see, leaving her to collect herself. 

So...Tomorrow, huh.

**Author's Note:**

> Next chapter will be tomorrow ♥


End file.
